Love, J

      I am not drunk, I am completely, truly sober, as sober as one can be after a couple shots of vodka, champagne and beer. But what's that thing they say "drunk words are sober thoughts"? so ha there's nothing I can't say that my sober self wouldn't have already thought up - I am praying this sentence makes sense cause I got so lost halfway through lol.     Though, thinking about it now, I have a lot of texts I might regret tomorrow, but that's for future me to worry about, and the headache, and sensitivity to light, and overall grogginess.     Has anyone ever realised that there's not much difference between someone who's hungover and a vampire? Maybe that's where they came from? Medieval times, a guy sees his friend the morning after having drunk a few too many pints - pale, not in a good mood, sensitive to light and boom, vampire! That'd be cool, but I'm sure it's more like, what sick people used to look like, if so, it's ...

      Unknown variables - the scariest thing to ever exist, I guess only a person who knows everything would be fearless when facing such things. As it is though, no one knows everything, no matter how many books they read, or the amount of degrees they acquire, no one person will ever live their life how they fully expect.      Some look at the unexpected as exciting, riveting in an otherwise boring life, others worry themselves with the unknown and what it's consequences might be. I don't think I've lived enough to say confidently which side I'm on, I think it all depends on how my life goes, but then, that also depends on me. Either way, with all this talk about the unexpected I mean to lead into a show that I watched today, one that I have watched at least once before.     Lessons in Chemistry is a rather wonderful show, based on a book which I have not read, but will now be adding to my reading list. This show kills off one of the main charac...

      I don't know how to be wanted, or loved, or anything including relationships. I didn't have my first kiss until 19, didn't know how to even talk to guys until, well, it's still not easy. Funny thing is, I'm bisexual, I have twice the amount of opportunities to get everything over with, and yet somehow, here I am, spending the summer at home, with a group of friends who are equally introverted, so no nightclubs, no late night walks, nothin, nada, zilch. But of course, I'm not blaming my friends, I would never, I'm blaming whatever made me like this. I have had a brother my whole life, so technically, as logic would suggest, I shouldn't have any problems when interacting with the opposite gender, and yet I still don't know what to say to them half the time, "oh seen the game lately?" what game? I don't even watch any games? I need sitcoms to start providing real examples. Oh and forget spontaneous dates with people from tinder, have...

      I'm not a baker, I never will be, in fact, with the way I run a kitchen, I don't think anyone would let into theirs, especially not in the context of a job. That being said, I think I've baked enough cakes and pastries to at least partially qualify.      I'm not sure when it started but for the last few years I've been making birthday cakes for my immediate family and myself, and somehow I've never poisoned anyone, I should really send a complaint to my arsenic dealer. Either way, it's been pretty successful, I take requests, I find a recipe, I make the cake, with one exception.      For as long as I remember my mother has always wanted the same type of birthday cake - a pavlova. Now, technically it's not a cake, it's a meringue-based dessert, but technically I don't care. Honestly, I respect my mother for that, all she wants is a giant sugary cloud with a delicious mascarpone cream and a shit ton of fruit (all neatly arranged by your t...

      From a young age we're taught to be kind, to share, to not taunt other kids. We also learn how to formulate questions, in fact, even babies ask questions by raising the intonation of their voice at the end of a word or sentence. Basic grammatical structures. Hell, I'm studying English, I we have like three courses that include grammar and learning how to structure question sentences is an integral part of life, of our studies. So, tell me, why on earth do my parents suddenly forget this simple grammatical structure every time they need me for something.          I noticed something, something that has been cause anger in me, even if I'm in a good mood. For the past few days, whenever my parents needed me to do something, clean the kitchen, collect laundry, they demand it. They don't question, no "could you do this?", no waiting for my answer, they just demand.     And here's the thing that frustrates me the most, I'm totally okay w...

     My last relationship ruined me. We got together middle of last year and went on for about ten months. We were long distance. Thing is, I had never been with anyone before, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone, this guy was my first everything (well almost everything).       Why did it ruin me? We saw each other twice during that time, and every time we had to go our separate ways I felt this new ache. Of course, having nothing to compare it to I didn't know how to deal with everything. Being so far from someone I loved killed me. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I did it. I remember that feeling of frustration, not being about to have that physical affection, and I guess I just lived with that?      Okay, truthfully? Sometimes it felt like he didn't feel what I felt, that need of th other person. Even though he reassured me multiple times, and told me that he missed me too, it still felt like I was the only one b...