???

     From a young age we're taught to be kind, to share, to not taunt other kids. We also learn how to formulate questions, in fact, even babies ask questions by raising the intonation of their voice at the end of a word or sentence. Basic grammatical structures. Hell, I'm studying English, I we have like three courses that include grammar and learning how to structure question sentences is an integral part of life, of our studies. So, tell me, why on earth do my parents suddenly forget this simple grammatical structure every time they need me for something.    

    I noticed something, something that has been cause anger in me, even if I'm in a good mood. For the past few days, whenever my parents needed me to do something, clean the kitchen, collect laundry, they demand it. They don't question, no "could you do this?", no waiting for my answer, they just demand.

    And here's the thing that frustrates me the most, I'm totally okay with doing these things, I will happily help out, if they just asked. All I'm asking is for a question mark at the end of their statement. This has been especially angering since I turned 20. It's like they still see me as a child on a break from school, and yes, even though it's summer, I'm doing my own things, and I can't always run on their schedule. All I want is for them to consider what I want and need. 

    But no, they'll just start going off on me, and then when I inevitably start crying, they'll ask why the fuck I'm crying, and then when I can't answer they'll get even more frustrated and I'll run away to my room and in the end they won't even apologize.

Another thing I find funny is that they know I'm not mentally strong, they literally had to send me to a psychologist a few years ago. They have to know that one proper breakdown can send me spiralling down that black hole again, and that's the last thing I want, especially since my scars are so close to healing

    I'm jealous of my brother, he's only 3 years younger than me, lives in his own apartment, with his fiancé, and doesn't get the anger from our parents. In fact, they rarely get angry with him, and that's what I'm jealous of the most. But all that is a story for another day.

    Either way, until I get a job and find my own apartment, I'm living under their rule, which in this day and age seems like it's gonna last for a while. At least I only have a couple months left before I can enjoy some me time in my dorm. 

Love,

- J