Love, J

     My last relationship ruined me. We got together middle of last year and went on for about ten months. We were long distance. Thing is, I had never been with anyone before, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone, this guy was my first everything (well almost everything).       Why did it ruin me? We saw each other twice during that time, and every time we had to go our separate ways I felt this new ache. Of course, having nothing to compare it to I didn't know how to deal with everything. Being so far from someone I loved killed me. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I did it. I remember that feeling of frustration, not being about to have that physical affection, and I guess I just lived with that?      Okay, truthfully? Sometimes it felt like he didn't feel what I felt, that need of th other person. Even though he reassured me multiple times, and told me that he missed me too, it still felt like I was the only one b...

      So, I just finished watching a show I've been recently obsessing over - The Marvellous Mrs Maisel. The ending was so bittersweet, I always cry at the end of each show I watch but this one just hit different. I'm also a sucker any show set or made in the 50s/60s, mostly because of the fashion, which this show had a lot of. I have so much to say about it, so much emotion that I need to express, and yet, I'm speechless.     The creator of this show holds a special place in my heart - Amy Sherman-Palladino - a fucking genius. She was also responsible for Gilmore Girls - another show I absolutely love, one I probably couldn't live without. So calling this woman a genius necessity. Not to mention, that one of the episodes of Mrs Maisel has multiple actors from Gilmore Girls, which made me literally jump out of my seat and immediately tell mother who also loves Gilmore Girls. Crossovers like that are what made me love this show even more (even though its what dur...

       I'm turning over a new stone, or maybe a new rock, maybe not really a new one, rather the one I've been living under with my never ending cycle of playing sims and watching all the avengers movies in order of the plot lines ( https://editorial.rottentomatoes.com/guide/marvel-movies-in-order ). I require some productivity, and I'm not sure why I didn't require it before. Sure, I just finished my first year of uni, and everyone I know has been pressuring me to get my drivers license, and of course there's the case of my multiple health issues (a little, majorly painful case of carpel tunnel being the latest) but I'm sure none of those things have anything to do with me wanting to hide away from the world in my bed.     So I'm saying all this as proof, if I don't do what I'm supposed to do, I want to be held accountable, lock me in a courtroom and give me life sentence after life sentence. Although let's be real, I'll still finish that li...

       Whenever modern shows mention COVID, I get this surrealist feeling, like, it's not supposed to exist in a fictional world. Shameless? The show that thrived on realism and the hardships of life? still doesn't feel right that it has a whole plot line including a very real pandemic. The Bear? Even though not actively showing it, they do mentioned that it happened and how it was difficult to keep the restaurant open, but it doesn't feel right, it feels uncanny.     I think that the reason it feels so wrong, is because these shows are fiction, they're used as an escape, they're not real. We watch shows and movies for entertainment - obviously, so seeing something so real, something that we ourselves had to live through, in a fictional world takes us back to reality, something we don't really look for when watching a piece of media.      Since I'm already on the topic pandemics, recently there's been a case of cholera in Poland. Now, other t...

 So, you know, men *gags*      Misogynistic, sexist, unsolicited-dick-pic-sending pieces of shit. Not "all" men but a man nonetheless. Especially Twitter men - oh boy are they a specific type of fucked up. It's almost hilarious how they think they have some sort of power over you, as if I can't just block them with the push of a button (or touch of a button, ???). "do what I say bitch" dude???? no???? but, alas, I at least deserve to have a bit of fun with them before bidding adieu. This means I mostly reply with sarcastic comments, or question their intentions. Below I'll show a conversation I find particularly funny: and then I blocked him <3      I, a recently turned 20 year old, have been experiencing a bout loneliness after my breakup, so I turned to Tinder, mistake? maybe. I don't have too many stories from there, except that in the span of like two days, I matched with two guys, who ADMITTED to having a LESBIAN FETISH. Now, I'm sure und...

 Well lookey here, someone finally remembered to come back here at the end of the day. Today wasn't all that interesting, did some preparations for my birthday party tomorrow, which mostly means I stood in the kitchen for like 6 hours making the cake. So even though my legs are now in severe pain, I have a pretty good birthday cake, it's pink, and has jam in the centre, so overall I'm pretty excited to eat it.  If mine writing today seem to lack energy, and, well, emotion, that's because I'm tired af. I just wanna sleep, but I know that I'll probably still stay up for God know how long trying to fall asleep. It doesn't help that I've started watching New Girl again, so I'm constantly half distracted by that, but can you blame me??? I can't look away when NICK is on the screen, that would be insanity. I love the slow burn between him and Jess but I might just skip forward to season 2 cause THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER??? ugh, I need them together alrea...